Dealing With Change

Life hasn’t gone the way I thought it would. I mean that in general and in good and bad ways. I think anyone who’s been an adult for any length of time feels this. More specifically, though, for me the last couple of years haven’t gone the way I thought they would. More specifically, Weird Souls hasn’t gone the way I thought it would. 

And it’s hard processing everything when life doesn’t doesn’t go your way, whether it’s big or little things.  When things feel ironic, it’s probably because God is somewhere in the mix. And right now, we’re working with our kids specifically on how to deal with disappointment, which all of us have to learn to deal with. But “the how” can be the tricky part, so I think breaking it down into a couple of different parts of disappointment helps us sort out our feelings.

Dealing with the Unknown

I think the hardest part for me when life isn’t what I plan is the uncertainty.  When life doesn’t go as planned, I want a new plan. Because then I know what to expect and how to get there.  The problem is that I usually don’t need God as much when I know what the plan is.  I’m smart enough to make things happen, and if the last three years have taught me anything, it’s that loosening my grip on plans and trying to be more open-handed with life actually makes everything easier. 

One of the areas where things went sideways was Weird Souls. As soon as I started Weird Souls, I started having some problems with my voice.  And over time, it got worse, and I tried to manage through the videos and podcast but it just kept getting harder to create the content on top of how I was already using my voice. On top of that, we had family stuff going on, and it just became extra difficult to keep up with the schedule I originally started with.

So I had to take a hard look at all the good things I needed to do, wanted to do, and could do and decide what to give up. And Weird Souls was something that had to go to the back burner for a time.  Now we seem to be in a place where I can start building it back up, but it’s still nowhere near what I was planning on it being, and I’m learning to be ok with the uncertainty of what this will be or become. 

Dealing with your feelings

Addressing all the feelings you have when life is changing can be a hard hill to dig through.  We all have feelings when the plan doesn’t go to plan:  Disappointment, anger, maybe even relief.  And part of getting to move forward is processing those feelings and dealing with it. If you don’t deal with your feelings, they have a way of lingering around and building on each other every time something doesn’t go to plan, even if it’s not a big deal. Then, one day, you explode or implode. 

For me, my main ways of processing my emotions are my husband and my journal.  I probably unload too much of the emotional load on my husband, but I do try to start with my journal so I have a better grip on things before processing with him.  Before marriage, I had a group of friends that I could process a lot of things with. So whether you’re single or married, having at least one person you can process life with is a must.

Other things that have helped are moving my body, I like rock climbing a lot. Learning new things helps distract me in a good way sometimes, I’ve gotten into gardening lately and trying my hand at doing our landscaping.  All the good chemicals you get from moving your body and accomplishing something help to balance out all the feelings that come from the uncertainties.

All of these are ways I can process the feelings around disappointment and uncertainty.  And it isn’t about finding a quick fix; that you do this and you’re better now. It’s about consistently building these into our everyday lives so that we have healthy coping methods when life goes a little sideways.

Dealing with Change

One of the many weird things about me is that while I love to plan, I also love to change things.  I don’t like doing the same thing over and over again.  I love variety and options and new experiences.  And so I’ve thrived in the last three years with how much has changed.  

But I also think it’s worn on me a bit. Even controlled chaos is chaos, and as humans, we long to experience the order that God originally created us for.  So change, no matter how well you deal with it, will wear on your soul.

And coming out the other side of all that change, I’ve realized how important it is to process all the change that has happened.  Life will not be the way you thought it would. Even if you get what you ultimately wanted, it will not be the same as what you lost. 

We went into foster care planning on some of the kids staying.  There were points where we wondered if that would happen at all, and every case has a moment where you wonder if they will stay.  We know that we have kids that will stay with us, but it doesn’t look like what we thought it would when we first started the process four years ago. And with all that change came loss and heartache but happiness too. Change doesn’t have to be bad or good; it can be neutral, but you still need time to process that life isn’t what you once thought it would become.

Living without a plan

The hard part for all of us is waiting for what’s next.  How do we live in the moment between what you planned and what life will be? In these moments I wish we had more insight into how some of our Bible heroes handled these moments in their own lives.  What was Joseph thinking while in prison? What about Moses as he tended sheep? We see Ruth’s obedience, but we don’t get insight into how she was processing everything that happened to her.  How were all these people in the Bible handling the uncertainty and change and dissappointment? 

The one thing we know for sure is they kept trusting God. They kept going even when things didn’t turn out right, even when they didn’t know if they messed up the plan, and even if they had moments of doubt whether God was THE God, they kept taking steps. 

So when life changes, and it feels like the plan is slipping away, take another step toward God. Trust he has a plan.  I regularly lean on my favorite Bible verse for this reminder; Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

So process the change, but don’t let it hold you captive. Keep taking steps after Jesus, and he’ll make it clear what the plan was all along.